Archive for July 2006

14 Things You Can Say In A Fantasy Draft That You Can’t Say In a Real Draft

July 19, 2006

It’s NFL fantasy draft season, and I’m participating for the first time. I brought fresh ears to my league’s draft party, and a few things struck me as humorous, so much so that I kept a list.

In a real pro sports draft there are national TV cameras, ESPN commentators analyzing everything into the ground to fill time, and announcements of picks with great fanfare. There must be an army of folks surrying around behind the scenes finalizing decisions.

At a fantasy draft there are a bunch of folks at a table, some attacking the problem at hand with as much gravity as the executives and scouts at the real draft. They have notebooks, or notebook computers filled with research.

Then there are a few who just came for the food. Armed only with a printed out internet draft guide, thank you Fox Sports, they endure seventeen rounds of picks, bored out of their skulls by the ninth.

Sometimes what both kinds of folks say lacks the research depth of what is said at the real draft. Or maybe at the fantasy draft we can relax in the just a game atmosphere. (Yeah right…)

Whatever the reason, I enjoyed picturing an executive coming to a podium and announcing:

  • “Did somebody already pick Larry Johnson?”
  • “How many wide receivers do I need?”
  • “The Patriots select Larry Johnson.” “Dude, he’s taken.”
  • “What team am I?”
  • Responding to a press attack later: “We picked Larry for his bye week.”
  • “Can I phone a friend?”
  • “The Patriots select Larry Johnson.” “Dude, did you know he’s injured?” “Oh, wait…”
  • “Dude, you can’t take it back after you let go of the piece.”
  • “Computer, remove two bad players.”
  • “Just give me a player, doesn’t matter who.”
  • “The Patriots select Larry Johnson.” “Dude, you already have him.”
  • “Just pick already!”
  • This really happened to us after our draft: League commisioner: “We’ll need everyone to email in their picks. My computer lost power before I saved.”

Our draft was all men, and later, the wives of the veteran managers, tired of being fantasy football widows formed their own league. They had a few announcements of their own:

  • “What’s a tight end?” “I think it means he has a nice touche.”‘

And lastly, here are my picks:

  • 01.02 Larry Johnson
  • 02.11 Marvin Harrison (sentiment driven)
  • 03.02 Larry Fitzgerald
  • 04.11 Tatum Bell
  • 05.02 Daunte Culpepper
  • 06.11 Terry Glenn
  • 07.02 Chris Brown
  • 08.11 L.J. Smith
  • 09.02 Indianapolis Defense (sentimental influence)
  • 10.11 Roddy White
  • 11.02 Neil Rackers
  • 12.11 Brett Favre
  • 13.02 Ben Troupe
  • 14.11 Marty Booker
  • 15.02 Chat Morton (because he was the last name in the draft guide)
  • 16.11 Ryan Longwell
  • 17.02 Santonio Holmes