Story Seeking Title

After I read Story, by Robert McKee, I felt my life would be incomplete without at least a small foray into writing a bit of fiction. So this is it. It has flaws, and it’s really only chapter one of what would be a longer story. They important thing is that this would be a really cool story. If a movie opened with this scene, I would totally pay to see that movie.

I hope you like it too.

Hot diesel exhaust trailed a humvee, alone with the desert, the roadway, and the stars. The blackness of the moonless sky shrouded its unlit profile as it sped over the remote terrain. The sound of the diesel engine broke the serenity of the expanse.

A breeze carried the sound and fumes east. As they entered the open windows of a darkened shack, the harsh glow of a satellite phone display brightened the wall and ceiling of the dwelling. It shone a little too brightly into the weathered eyes of it’s operator. A little frantic, he dialed quickly, muttering something in a foreign tongue, hoping desperately for an answer from the other party.

A dim blue light called attention to one mudwalled house in a desert village. Electric ringing parted the silence until a young teenager answered the phone. The dim light extinguished, the boy ran headlong though the door of the little hut, leaving it open. He sprinted, a little wobbly, a few hundred feet and laid a metal wire across the roadway.

He slid a pack off his back. He picked up one end of the wire and looped it around a nail protruding from the wall of a shop. The other end of the wire he anchored to a switch inside his pack. He ran back to the doorway of his dwelling and waited for victory.

The humvee slowed it’s speed as it entered the village, rolling deliberately though the main thoroughfare. The boy covered his ears as the outline of the humvee reflected a little starlight. It’s profile grew as it approached, but stopped 50 ft. short of his trap.

Twelve men disembarked the humvee. Six of them formed a perimeter around the vehicle. The other half dozen unloaded a large box from the back of the vehicle. The loaders labored under the weight of the box, stumbling a little as they entered the doorway of a two story building. The guards backed into the doorway, closing it behind the party.

The boy strained his eyes to see the unguarded humvee. His mouth dropped as he strained again to see what could be happening. He bolted in the opposite direction, yelling in his native language as loud as he could, banging on a few doors. A few windows lit up. Moments later, grown men, armed with rocket propelled grenades and machine guns from several directions to meet the boy. He jumped and waved and yelled, breathless. His comrades ran toward the humvee. One fumbled as he reached inside his garment for a sidearm. The handgun dropped on the dirt street. He looked back at it but continued running. The teenage boy ran and picked up the weapon. He was frozen as he looked at it in his hand.

Inside the building, the sodiers silently cleared the building of any threats. Finding it empty they threw their weapons into a shallow hole and pushed dirt over it. They dragged the hevay box up to the second floor.

Upstairs 4 of the men went to work on the box. They snapped open fasteners and slid the lid away revealing a shining interior.

The men outside stopped their progress. One dropped to his knee in preparation to fire his grenade launcher.

From the box a soldier raised a sphere on a pole. As the pole swung up from the box into its vertical position it dropped, making a sure click sound. The walls and ceilings oft the room began to glow with a soft green light. Red digits on the box began to count down from 3. One beep marked each second. The pitch of the beep dropping slightly for each second passed. All the soldiers, now in the upper room, dove to the floor, face down, their ears covered.

The first villager fired his rpg launcher. With the sudden sound, the frozen boy’s arms flailed. Still dazed, the boy watched helplessly as the weapon flew high and long, so slowly, about to land several feet away.

From inside the building a short high screech filled the air, seeming to come from every direction.

Simultaneously the launched grenade exploded in midair.The villagers’ guns outside exploded in their hands, kiling them instantly. The boy’s bomb exploded. The dirt over soldiers’ guns blew up and out all over the lower room of the building. The gun falling away from the boy blew apart. The shockwave knocked him from his feet, the shrapnel lacerated his arms, legs and part of his face.

Inside, the sodiers sprang from the floor, pulling long sharp crystal clear blades from their uniforms. They marched boldy out of the billowing dust in the doorway of their building, into the street. They tossed flares into the street, filling the night air with orange and blue light. One soldier made a radio call. Another lit a cigarette.

The wind carried in the sounds of a few distant thuds and pops.

Hope you enjoyed that. I sure did.

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2 Comments on “Story Seeking Title”

  1. Michael L. Says:

    Phew — close call for the boy. Good thing he lost his hold on the pistol before the mystery-device went off. You’ve certainly got my curiosity hooked. When can I expect chapter two?

  2. Jennie Says:

    I am also ready for chapter 2. You should do weekly posts of your story like they used to do in newspapers so long ago.


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